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1. |
Karma Scar
03:44
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Karma Scar
My head is always down ‘cause my halo’s made of stone,
I’m a living black out and sort of prone to explode,
Threw my fate out of the window ‘cause I'd rather be alone—
Tarot cards spread out, all across the road.
Wicked are the ways in the war of which I watch,
So, I wait in my weird little world with my thoughts—
Marinating majick in my mind, I’m a witch
that was raised in a hex and this life is a glitch,
I pour my heart out until I’m mentally in debt,
Worshiping the fall out of my existential dread,
Because I think myself in circles till I finally forget,
Then I feed the little birdies that fly around my head.
—I’m para-abnormal so I can’t even see
when I’m walking thru ghosts so they never bother me,
And maybe I should care, but I don’t know what it means
If it’s all just a joke or another silly dream….
(Chorus)
Because my ears ring when I sing along to your threats,
No, I cant hear a thing when I’m listening to Death,
Born Dead, Forgotten Past, Low Life, Left to die,
Lysergic tears leak from my lucid third eye,
I’m perched at the peak of this trip I designed,
With nightmares and moonbeams— all intertwined,
But I’m fine, I don’t mind if my mind is full of slime,
It’s a golden afternoon in the conspiracy of time.
Some say I’m a genius— and others say insane,
I prepared a word salad ‘cause it’s healthy for your brain;—
A mental Rubik’s cube with the algorithm set
To prediction correction so you’ll never see the end
Of the journey thru existence while you count your lucky stars—
Trying to remember where in hell you even are
So, find your peace in the puzzle, of actuality
Because it’s all an ARG IRL EOD
(Chorus)
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2. |
Concept Problems
04:08
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Concept Problems
I don't read, I don't write,
And I don't believe in God at night,
I'm insane, I'm alright,
Come on closer, I won't bite.
I killed a bird, with a stone,
I felt bad so I took it home,
Nobody knows just what I know,
And how I figure it out when I'm alone....
'Cause sometimes I hate what I do
And I hate to wake up too
And sometimes I hate to have to tell the truth
But I could never really hate myself 'cause I love you
And I love you too
And I love you
Yes I love you too
'Cause I love
But I ain't a prophet, I ain't the one,
I'm just madly in love with the sun,
I made a promise, to make mistakes,
'Cause butterflies are smarter than snakes,
And if it's quiet, my ears ring,
That's when I play my guitar and sing,
I take a little bit of everything,
And mix it up 'cause I'm the Indigo King....
And if I had just one more chance
To try and change the way I am
There wouldn't be much left to do
I couldn't change even if I wanted too
And I wanted too
And I want too
Yes I wanted too
Ooohhhh
So when you're clouded, I'll make it rain,
You gotta give the sun a chance to complain,
So I'll drive you crazy when you're insane,
Until you get back to normal again....
Whooo
'Cause sometimes you'll hate what you do
And you'll hate to wake up too
And sometimes you'll hate to have to tell the truth
But you could never hate yourself as much as you'd love too
And I love you too
And I love you
Yes I love you too
And I love you
And you can shine like the sun ('Cause I love you)
And you can tell everyone (That I love you)
I won't stop till you're done ('Cause I love you)
I gotta feeling you're the one (And I love you)
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3. |
Paisley Rain
04:56
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Paisley Rain
These are the faces that you see in your dreams,
It's not quite right but it just might be as it seems,
Spin around now and ask yourself what it means,
Who really knows the way it goes, follow my lead....
Staring through the walls and I'm melting again,
Adjusting the antennas on my head,
Walking through the stars with my invisible friends,
The hallucinating never really ends....
"Yo dude, I know we're trippin' but did you hear that?"
"Um.... yes?"
"I don't know, but I think so."
Once upon a time in La La Land I made sense,
But then again this is where I stand, that was then,
Outta my mind like a garbage man lost in the trash,
If you could only see what I always see, you would laugh....
Staring through the walls and I'm melting again,
Adjusting the antennas on my head,
Walking through the stars with my invisible friends,
The hallucinating never really ends....
Staring through the walls and I'm melting again,
Adjusting the antennas on my head,
Walking through the stars with my invisible friends,
The hallucinating never really ends....
Candy flip on a paisley drip, we're tasting the rain,
Inside insane of a window pane again,
Butterflies in the yellow sunshine, we're flipping out lids,
One more hit for my beautiful friends,
Here you go....
Staring through the walls and I'm melting again,
Adjusting the antennas on my head,
Walking through the stars with my invisible friends,
The hallucinating never really ends....
"Yo dude, remember that one time when we took like 3 hits of acid,
Rich took one in his fuckin' eyeball and we walked around the lake
like 30 times?"
"Oh yeah"
"That was fucking awesome, dude."
"Dude, let's do that again like right now...."
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4. |
Sudden Passion
05:41
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Sudden Passion (Killing You in My Mind)
I wish I could forget your name,
I wish I could erase your face,
Quietly collecting rain,
Dreaming up a thousand ways....
'Cause I never wanted to say goodbye,
But now I don't even wanna say hi,
'Cause I believed every one of your lies,
But everything wrong turns out right....
When I'm killing you in my mind
Killing you in my mind
When I'm killing you in my mind
Killing you in my mind
Well, every bit of our dead love,
And everything you've ever said,
And all the carnal ghosts of us
Are ruminating in my head....
And I've never even seen you cry,
There is no remorse in your eyes,
'Cause you don't feel pain deep inside,
But all of that changes as you die
When I'm killing you in my mind
Killing you in my mind
When I'm killing you in my mind
Killing you in my mind
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5. |
Forever Ending
03:10
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Forever Ending
Well, you can call my name but I won't say what,
I'll do the fuckin' dishes by the end of the month,
I'll smoke your cigarettes till my very last breath,
But I want you to know, I love you to death,
Ohh, I love you to death,
Ohh, I love you to death,
I love you to death....
So, why do you put up with me?
I don't believe in anything,
I've tried, I can't even shed a tear,
It's been too long and I'm glad the end is here....
Whooa, the end is here
Whooa, the end is here
Whooa, the end is here
Whooa....
Well, I couldn't grow up so here the fuck I am,
But I can talk to God and the Son of Sam,
I wish I couldn't 't read and I wish I couldn't write,
I wish I was in love but I can't do it right,
Oooh, I can't do it right,
Oooh, I can't do it right,
I can't do it right....
So, why do you put up with me?
I don't believe in anything,
I've tried, I can't even shed a tear,
It's been too long and I'm glad the end is here....
Whooa, the end is here
Whooa, the end is here
Whooa, the end is here
Whooa....
So, why do you put up with me?
I don't believe in anything,
I've tried, I can't even shed a tear,
It's been too long and I'm glad the end is here....
Whooa, the end is here
Whooa, the end is here
Whooa, the end is here
Whooa....
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6. |
Another Hundred Seasons
03:55
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Another Hundred Seasons
Still kickin' along this same old road,
Seems to be the only one I know,
Destination still unknown,
Wherever I get to is where I go....
I've got my name written in the sky,
But it might as well just be another lonely cloud that's passin' by,
No destination on my mind,
Just another hundred seasons on the dawn before I die....
Fallin' asleep in this big old maze,
I hope I keep sleepin' for a thousand days,
And live in a dream where it's never the same,
Just to wake up and see nothin's changed....
I've got my name written in the sky,
But it might as well just be another lonely cloud that's passin' by,
No destination on my mind,
Just another hundred seasons on the dawn before I die....
I've got my name written in the sky,
But it might as well just be another lonely cloud that's passin' by,
No destination on my mind,
Just another hundred seasons on the dawn before I die....
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7. |
Born to Die
04:10
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Born to Die
I seen her walkin' around in one of my dreams,
Well, it was one of those things I just couldn't believe,
She had eyes made of diamonds and sunbeams,
But those eyes were determined to make mine bleed....
Well, well, well....
You made me love you and then you made me cry,
Ohh, you should remember, you were born to die....
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Just like the day will turn into night,
Ohh, you should remember, you were born to die.
Well, my buddy said he seen your car on the other side of town,
Don't tell me baby, you been ridin' around?
Ohh, bow your head and look at the ground,
'Cause everything that goes up must come down....
Well, well, well....
You made me love you and then you made me cry,
Ohh, you should remember, you were born to die....
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Just like the day will turn into night,
Ohh, but don't forget now, you were born to die.
Well, and you thought you would keep me around
In case your other plans didn't pan out,
So, now your back with a smilin' face,
But you'll be leavin' with a full suitcase....
Yeah, yeah, yeah....
You made me love you and then you made me cry,
Ohh, you should remember, you were born to die....
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Just like the day will turn into night,
Ohh, you should remember, you were born to die.
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8. |
Spirit Ritual
03:30
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Spirit Ritual
(The name of my life is “What the fuck am I doin’ man?”)
(What the fuck am I doing?)
Every everything is forever endeavor
Nothing matters whatsoever;
Cognitive stress will make me better
Transgressing hate In a state of terror
Save the planet, no pressure
We can all spread the virus together
Beauty comes of all things, in small dreams,
Reality is in the mind of what it all means—
Visit this, hi-def, psychedelic vision quest
In the flesh— Eternally a student in death—
In nothingness— There’s nothing left, I forget,
You are not connected to the internet, Bet….
Control the ways that I handle this maze that I manifest;
Do what I can, when I can, till I can’t exist;
Because I am what I am and that’s All That Is—
God Is All That Is Equals IS
Fuck Religion, Fuck Atheism, I OWN NOTHING.
Fuck Religion, Fuck Atheism, I OWE NOTHING.
—
Because you’re one of a kind; the kind I’m gonna forget,
I’ve got dibs on the time that you haven’t killed yet—
I’m so deep in your mind, so deepen your mind
To find the what the fuck and why am I even inside of this guy’s mind’s eye?
Don’t like the things you do, or your point of view;
Fuck the way you think I think the way you fuckin’ think I do!—
I got the rebel force within me— Your argument is flimsy
I’m sending out bombs like Theodore Kaczynski;
Edgy, unfriendly, I’m ugly, un-friend me,
Walking through the shadows of the mind can be deadly,
So, I’m creepin’ with the reaper in this murdered-out dream—
Rapid eye movements in the first degree,
Like a master of sleep, I respect love and peace
Word to death, leave a message at the mother fucking BEEP
‘Cause the mirror will decide if you’re a waste of a miracle
and fear’ll get you killed in this sacred spirit ritual.
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9. |
Luminol
04:56
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Luminol
Well, I might be out of place,
I might be trippin' off my face,
But she's got such beautiful eyes,
I like my girls fucked up inside,
So they can analyze the kitchen knife,
And they can use up all the luminol,
I'm gonna have a sweet dream tonight,
Because it doesn't bother me at all....
You can say I'm a sick motherfucker,
But I was raised up to be an animal lover,
So you can kill the killers if you need to feel the power,
But you should probably make love and let the serial....
flowers eat your misery
Flowers eat your misery (Let the serial....)
Flowers eat your misery
Flowers eat your misery
'Cause when I seen her on the TV screen,
And then I heard about the murder scene,
I probably woulda done the same, you know,
If I was in that scenario,
'Cause I could easily kill for a kiss,
And I don't even know who she is,
But I like the way she looks at me,
Through the pictures in the magazines....
You can say I'm a sick motherfucker,
But I was raised up to be an animal lover,
So you can kill the killers if you need to feel the power,
But you should probably make love and let the serial....
flowers eat your misery
Flowers eat your misery (Let the serial....)
Flowers eat your misery
Flowers eat your misery
So, you can say I'm a sick motherfucker,
But I was raised up to be an animal lover,
So you can kill the killers if you need to feel the power,
But you should probably make love and let the serial....
flowers eat your misery
Flowers eat your misery (Let the serial....)
Flowers eat your misery
Flowers eat your misery (Let the serial....)
flowers eat your misery
Flowers eat your misery (Let the serial....)
Flowers eat your misery (Let the serial....)
Flowers eat your misery (Let the serial....)
Flowers eat your misery
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10. |
Hellcatcher
04:09
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Hellcatcher
Welcome to the schizodelic joyride
Where we never ever die and all is well
I will be your simulation dream guide
Open up your mind and catch some hell….
Shame on you
Shame on me too
Who put the blame on you?
They put the same blame on me too….
They always do
Voodoo déjà vu
The way out is through
Can you feel the Universe bleeding?
Will you let your blind faith break your heart?
Tell me, when did you stop dreaming?
Whatever you think is what you are….
Shame on you
Shame on me too
Who put the blame on you?
They put the same blame on me too….
They always do
Voodoo déjà vu
The way out is through
You can start a sunshine death cult
You can do it all inside your head
Under something else indivisible
You can be the king of your invisible friends….
Shame on you
Shame on me too
Who put the blame on you?
They put the same blame on me too….
They always do
Voodoo déjà vu
The way out is through
The way out is through
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11. |
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12. |
Spoon
02:20
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Spoon
I was a spoon
No arms, no legs, no mouth, no eyes, no ears, no nothing.
I was just a spoon.
Suspended wherever, I couldn't tell.
All I knew was that I was a spoon.
Vibrating at a speed so fast that I was solid matter.
And that matter was a spoon.
I didn't picture a spoon in my mind, I just knew that I was a spoon.
Although now,
Thinking back,
I am picturing a spoon in my mind.
I have to.
But when I WAS a spoon, I just knew that I was a spoon.
I was a steel spoon.
That was the vibration.
Steel, not silver.
I was a stainless steel spoon.
I was just a spoon.
At that moment,
I always was a spoon and I was always going to be a spoon.
There is nothing but being a spoon when you are a spoon.
It's a low consciousness.
But nonetheless,
there is a consciousness.
The consciousness of a spoon.
It will always be a part of me now.
I was a spoon.
I am a spoon.
I am spoon.
SPOON
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13. |
Memory Is Hard
03:19
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Memory Is Hard
All my songs are the same but I forget how they go,
I write 'em all down but I forget at the show,
My memory's shot and I don't think that I know,
They say I'm a genius 'cause they know that I'm slow,
Just a retarded angel that was born with no wings,
So, leave me alone, I hate everything,
'Cause I'll never fly and I'll forget how to sing,
So, forget about me 'cause I forget what I mean....
And I'll stay home today
Yes, I'll stay home
And I'll stay home today
Yes, I'lll stay home....
Today.
So, wherever I am and to whoever you are,
At least I don't remember how I got this far,
'Cause it probably wasn't fun and I'm sure it was bad,
Considering all the rest of my songs are sad,
I tried to make a sandwich and drink lemonade,
I tried to make friends but I'm kind off afraid,
'Cause I'm droppin' my marbles all over there floor,
And I'll probably forget things like who you are....
So, I'll stay home today
Yes, I'll stay home
So, I'll stay home today
Yes, I'lll stay home....
Today.
'Cause today'd be great to sleep in late,
Watch television and dream all day,
Save the world from another mistake,
No, I don't want the chance to screw up fate again....
So, I'll stay home today
Yes, I'll stay home
So, I'll stay home today
Yes, I'lll stay home....
And I'll stay home today
Yes, I'll stay home
And I'll stay home today
Yes, I'll stay home....
Today.
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14. |
Dungeon Master
03:07
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Dungeon Master
Forever lost in the what ifs
Buried in a legend of graveyard myths
Rotting in the dirt with the worms
To finally ascend with 3rd degreed burns
And I’m worn out
If you couldn’t tell
I’m worn out
I don’t feel so well
I’m worn out
You don’t have to yell
And don’t bother praying for me
‘cause you’re going to hell
I’m tripping over my feet trying to make it through the door
Getting flagged at there counter of the liquor store
I swear I won’t come back if you give me one more
Because I’ll probably pass out back home on there floor
‘Cause I’m worn out
If you couldn’t tell
I’m worn out
I don’t feel so well
I’m worn out
You don’t have to yell
And don’t bother praying for me
‘cause you’re going to hell
And everybody knows you’re going to hell
Everybody knows you’re going to hell
Everybody knows you’re going to hell
And probably I suppose I’m going as well
‘Cause I’m worn out
If you couldn’t tell
I’m worn out
I don’t feel so well
I’m worn out
You don’t have to yell
And don’t bother praying for me
‘cause you’re going to hell
And everybody knows you’re going to hell
Everybody knows you’re going to hell
Everybody knows you’re going to hell
And probably I suppose I’m going as well
Everybody knows we’re going to hell
Everybody knows we’re going to hell
Everybody knows we’re going to hell
And when it all explodes I’ll be ringing the bell
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15. |
Naraka
03:44
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Naraka
(I will be the pain that you feel when it drops
'Cause I’m inside your brain like the wheels in a watch
me as I disappear, said you never would…. but you did though
Was that the wind in the trees or someone outside your window….)
It’s me!
The spiritual shade thrower, the straight no-joker
back with the black magic take over
I’m feeling woozy in my head again
and we are NOT friends
this fuckin’ street is a dead end
What you did and what you do
you never should have done
twisting fate like a rope into a noose around the sun
Now the day is gone—
The nightmare has begun
and it’s time to eat the bugs from the web that you’ve spun
‘Cause you reap what you sow
and ignorance is all you know
so when you drown in your regret—
the torment will be slow
Because time is just a thought to which the mind is not in sync
and men will lose their minds while trying to find the time to think
And if you arrogantly think that you’re the one to get away
well I suggest you think again because the maze is on its way
And when you finally step inside the nightmare you deserve
you will live a million lives inside you’re own eternal curse
(And I will be the pain that you feel when it drops
'Cause I’m inside your brain like the wheels in a watch
me as I disappear, said you never would…. but you did though
Was that the wind in the trees or someone outside your window….)
It’s me again!
Surprise surprise,
and I’m back with a little cognitive exercise
What if the life you’re living now is the last chance you get?
What if this is the realization that you’re failing the sacred test
What if I’m the karma of your actions manifest to flesh
and I exist to synchronize your soul with righteousness through death?
Whoa! Did I just cross the line? Did I say something wrong?
Well, I can hide behind my art because it’s just a fucking song
And besides I didn’t single anyone out particularly
But if you think that this is about you, then it must be
As your insecurities eat you alive
I see the panic in your eyes
You know your luck is running out
and we recognize your disguise
So where you gonna run?
Where you gonna hide?
I guess there’s really no place left to go
when your fucking dead inside.
But I’m here to stay, I am your room full of hell
And the more you try to look away, the more you only see yourself
(And I will be the pain that you feel when it drops
'Cause I’m inside your brain like the wheels in a watch
me as I disappear, said you never would…. but you did though
Was that the wind in the trees or someone outside your window….)
This is your world— Not mine. In mine I’m doing fine,
I wear that knife you left in my back with pride.
Sweet dreams….
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16. |
This Too Shall Pass
04:42
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This Too Shall Pass
I'll try not to get lost in your eyes but it's hard,
I'll try and wear my disguise when you walk through my heart,
I'll try and hide like the smallest star in the sky behind the clouds so far,
Pretending like I don't know who you are....
But I can't promise you anything when I love the way I do,
My heart still hasn't died after all it's been through,
And yes, I long so much to be with a girl just like you,
But I don't cry anymore because this shall pass too.
I seem to live in a world that is lost and alone,
A place wherever I am I can still call home,
They say time just doesn't exist but it always seems to take it's toll,
And as I glance at the clock, I grow old....
And it's been so hard to feel but I felt when I saw you,
And now I love to bad and it's sad and yes it's true,
But I've seen butterflies fall from a sky so blue,
So, I don't cry anymore because this shall pass too.
But I can't promise you anything when I love the way I do,
My heart still hasn't died after all it's been through,
And yes, I long so much to be with a girl just like you,
But I don't cry anymore because this shall pass too.
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17. |
Angels of the Sun
03:36
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Angels of the Sun (Your Mind Is Changing Things)
Suicide is born of empathy and love
Infected by rotten memories
They will try to bury everything in drugs, but
You decide what is the enemy, because
Your mind is changing things
Your mind is changing things
Your mind is changing things
And your mind changes everything
Truth and hope will always echo in a dream
Peace and love need symmetry
We become whatever thought we think it means
What difference do you really wanna see
Your mind is changing things
Your mind is changing things
Your mind is changing things
And your mind changes everything
Will we live by the blade?
Or will we die by the gun?
Are we the shadows in the shade?
Or are we angels of the sun?
‘Cause if you still believe in time
Your brain is melting on your watch—
But if you’re living while you die,
You are creating what you want,
Your mind is changing things
Your mind is changing things
Your mind is changing things
And your mind changes everything
We are the angels of the sun
We are the angels of the sun
We are the angels of the sun
We are the angels of the sun
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18. |
Rather Forlorn
03:59
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19. |
Oh God No
04:13
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Oh God No
Well, I was born dead with a hard head
Acardiac soul retarded
So full of shit in my dipey
Just to laugh at whoever had to wipe me
I didn't grow up 'cause I was grounded
I didn't care if I was really well rounded
'Cause when it's over and it's all gone
I'm gonna be a reincarnated doorknob
Oooh
She said "oh god no"
She said "oh god no"
She said "oh god no"
She said....
Well, back in grade school before I grew big
All the other kids called me stupid
'Cause I would see stuff and I would hear things
And I would wear mommy's make-up and earrings
I didn't know better, I didn't care much
Someone always stole my snack pack at lunch
But now I'm all big and distorted
And next time I hope I come back aborted
Oooh,
She said "oh god no"
She said "oh god no"
She said "oh god no"
She said....
Fix it till it's broken again
Fix it till it's broken again
Fix it till it's broken again
Fix it till it's broken again
So, every morning before I get there
I step outside and take a fresh breath of death air
I guess I'm morbid, but I'm a poor kid
Who deprived his brain cells of orchids
So, if you meet me, I could be creepy
And don't forget about that when you're sleepy
Because my eyes got a little darker
And my knives got a little sharper
Oooh,
She said "oh god no"
She said "oh god no"
She said "oh god no"
She said....
"Oh god no"
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20. |
Racing the Dragon
02:53
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Racing the Dragon
We can't stop waking up and that's our luck,
'Cause every day is a different fuck,
Playin' with death till the sun is gone,
'Cause we're in the cold dirty hands of God....
Racin' the dragon for a dream....
Racin' the dragon for a dream....
Racin' the dragon for a dream....
Racin' the dragon....
We're not made out of plastic, we're made out of time,
And lysergic acid diethylamide
A little bit of blood and a lot of sunshine,
We're all mixed up because we're truly alive....
Racin' the dragon for a dream....
Racin' the dragon for a dream....
Racin' the dragon for a dream....
Racin' the dragon....
And they won't understand the way that we live,
But we were dealt a hand that nobody could win,
So when we pass out, remember that,
'Cause one of these days we'll never come back....
Racin' the dragon for a dream....
Racin' the dragon for a dream....
Racin' the dragon for a dream....
Trippin' on diphenhydramine....
Racin' the dragon for a dream....
Racin' the dragon for a dream....
Racin' the dragon for a dream....
Racin' the dragon....
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21. |
Forever Lost
04:46
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Forever Lost
The forrest is so lonely and free
Overcasting shadows that bleed
The sunshine is so mad I can't see
'Cause when I look up to the sky it keeps on hiding from me....
"Hello darkness, I've come to talk with you"
I've been winding through the trees in a maze that never ends
And dancing in the woods with my friends
Wandering and wondering, it's tingling again
Deciding what to do and then when
As God said to me....
"Hello darkness, I've come to talk with you"
(You're on your own)
Reflecting in the water I see
Staring at myself to believe
Swirling in the wondrous breeze
I'm in love with making ghosts out of my enemies
"Hello darkness, I've come to talk with you"
(You're on your own)
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22. |
Peter Bergmann
04:30
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Peter Bergmann
(When I go away—
Don't you come looking for me—
‘Cause when I decide to leave—
That is when there is no way—)
Like a rainbow to mist;
like a palm to a fist,
I’m the transitionist,
transitioning from flesh into bliss—
Your very last wish— This.
I will be the gaping hole in your heart;
The very thing that you miss
I said I’d go away, and I did
so I’m gone, So long,
and it might be kinda wrong,
but It’s also kinda right
because I WRITE THE SONGS,
I’m the Son of Sam I Am,
The Son of Man, man,
and I’ll cease to exist
like the sand through your hands.
There is no place to stay—
No strand of DNA
It’s so fucking weird how I disappeared
without a single trace— Open case,
No, you cannot see my face,
“He was such a nice man
It’s such a shame, What a waste”
Of everything you think,—
And everything you say,
Because everything is gone—
But everything’s ok
So, CALL OFF THE SEARCH
‘Cause you won’t find shit anyway….
(When I go away—
Don't you come looking for me—
‘Cause when I decide to leave—
That is when there is no way—)
Is he here? Is he there?
In the mirror? In a prayer?—
Isn’t it weird how he disappeared into thin air?
Where?
Does he even know?— Was he playin’?
And even if he did, would he ever really say it?
In a poem, in a painting,
in a mother fucking song?—
Have I been dropping secret codes
in puzzles all along?—
Time to go back— thru it all; put your headphones on,
to define- every line- till your mind is gone—
‘Cause you can say it; that you love me all you want
but it doesn’t mean a thing until the Easter egg hunt;
till you spend time traveling in my subliminal haze—
Through the paisley rain to the end of the maze
where you finally arrive— enlightened and aware
and if you still didn’t hear them, I assure you they were there
where you still can’t find me after everything you do
You can say I’m fucked up all you want— I LOVE YOU TOO.
(When I go away—
Don't you come looking for me—
‘Cause when I decide to leave—
That is when there is no way—)
The keys unlock the puzzles to the clues of my surviving
In a thousand books of secret codes to burn after writing
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23. |
The Whitest White
04:37
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The Whitest White
I was 16 in real life.
I was also about 16 in wherever I am when I sleep.
I was walking along the sidewalk next to the basketball courts in Belmar.
We used to skate there back in the day.
There's usually an 8 foot fence that separates the basketball courts from sidewalk and the street.
But it wasn't there.
It's probably the middle of day. It's a nice day.
And there's a normal amount of cars going up and down the streets.
And I'm walking on the sidewalk towards the train tracks and all of a sudden, I see a car come from around the corner in front of me followed by a police car with the lights and sirens going.
The car was like an old 80's Toyota Corolla or something.
They both come wizzing around the corner right towards me.
They zoom passed me and the Corolla whips around behind me and drives onto the basketball courts and stops.
A guy jumps out and grabs me, puts his arm around my neck and puts a gun to my head.
While he's doing that, the cop jumps out of his car, pulls his gun and aims it at me and the guy holding me hostage.
I mean this happens in like seconds.
Some maniac's got me in a chokehold with a gun to my head.
The cop is like 10 to 15 yards away pointing his gun at us and the situation is fucking tense.
It happens so quick that no other pedestrians or cars have even stopped to see what's going on yet.
So, the cop says loudly.... "PUT THE GUN DOWN"
The crazy guy holding me says nothing.
He's just holding me tightly. He's strong and his nerves shake us both.
And I really don't even have time to think of what I can do if I can even do anything.
There is just fear and confusion.
I'm just staring at the cop like "What the fuck is happening?"
And then all of a sudden, everything goes completely white.
The whitest white I have ever seen. I could feel the white.
It was the purest white accompanied by a warmth and peace.
And slowly, the whiteness turns to distorted colors that gradually get clearer and clearer as I'm becoming more and more aware that my eyes are opening and I finally wake up in my bed on my back looking at the walls of my bedroom.
Shit.
It is at this point when I fully comprehend that I was shot in the head and killed in my dream. I died, in my dream and woke up into my current reality.
I didn't hear a gunshot. I didn't see or feel or hear anything.
I just remember a cop pointing his gun at me and some crazy guy holding a gun to my head.
And then everything turned white.
The fucking guy must have shot me, I died, then woke up into my life.
This is what taught me that we never really die. We just wake up in other realities.
Some form of reincarnation more or less.
I was always scared to death of death up until this dream. Paralyzed by the fear of what happens after you die.
Now I know that I don't exactly know what is going to happen, but it never ends.
And that brings me a tremendous amount of comfort.
Because now I remember....
We always wake up.
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Lxnnnie Belmar, New Jersey
Lxnnnie is an artist, songwriter, and poet from the US. Known for being one of the OG bedroom recording artists of the 90's outsider music community, he has self-released many albums under assorted aliases in multiple genres of music. He's also had songs featured in major motion pictures and produced music for a number of TV commercials. ... more
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